Eating Shawarma in A-mer-i-ca
by TinaWhacksFrostWithMuffin
Summary: I was really bored and the song America from West Side Story was stuck in my head... Thor brings Loki to the Shawarma Shop with the rest of the Avengers and together, they eat shawarma and Piss Loki off. One-shot


**AN: I was just really bored and I had finished watching The Avengers for the second time in two days. The songs from West Side Story were all stuck in my head and I really needed a way to get rid of them, so I created this fanfic solely for that reason... And also so I could write about the scene in the Shawarma Shop.**

**I've never actually seen West Side Story, I've only seen the scene for the song America once and I'm just guessing the person who kept kicking the air is Anita... Is she?**

The second after the great battle of The Avengers verses the Giant Army of Aliens on Flying Jetskis was over, the media was full of witnesses of the battle being interviewed.

"I still can't believe what was going on!" A young woman said to the cameras, "I thought I was dead and then this huge green guy jumped in through the office window and through all the aliens through the wall!"

"I can't thank them enough!" Said another witness, "Captain America used his shield to defend my child and he shoved me and my wife behind a wall so we wouldn't get hit by an exploding alien!"

"It was so cool!" Said a kid, "We were all on a bus and then a dude with a big hammer appeared and went 'For Asgard!' and sent a car flying into half the aliens and then threw his hammer at another and electrocuted a bunch of others! It was the awesomest thing ever!"

"I LOVE YOU, HAWKEYE!" A hysterical woman screamed, "You looked so hot when you were on that building, firing arrows at the aliens! You're like my Cupid!" She had to be dragged away from the cameras because she kept ranting on about archery and how she was actually an assassin just like him for the next five minutes.

"I admire Iron Man so much." A woman whispered, "He was so brave..."

"Is Black Widow's superpower never running out of ammo?" Asked another person.

The news reporter turned and looked dramatically at the cameras, "Where can the heroic Avengers be now?" She asked no one in particular, "Stay tuned for tomorrow's-"

"I LOVE YOU, HAWKEYE!" Screamed the Hysterical woman, flinging herself in front of the cameras, "YOU'RE SO FRIKKEN HOT! I NEARLY DIED SCREAMING WHEN YOU RAN OUT OF ARROWS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE AND I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT-" The cameraman turned the camera off.

Now come to think of it, where _were_ The Avengers?

[New Paragraph Thingy]

"Here it is!" Said Tony Stark, pointing at the half-smashed in shop with a green neon light that kept on flickering on and off. "The Shawarma Shop!" He turned to the Avengers who were with him; Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Steve. "Hey, where's Thor?" Asked Tony, confused. "We can't eat shawarma without him!"

"I'm sure he's just still coming." Steve reasoned, "Now let's hurry up, I want to get away from all the paparazzis." He backed away from a mob of young women wanting him to sign their Captain America trading cards.

"I understand how you feel." Clint agreed, "Did you hear what that woman called me on the news?"

Natasha arched an eyebrow, "Who, the one who called you Cupid?"

"Yep, that one."

"Fine, we'll wait for Thor inside." Tony sighed. He led the five of them into the dirty shop. Debris littered the floor and a chef was dragging a dead alien out of the kitchen. Upon seeing the five Avengers, he screamed and ran straight back into the kitchen, leaving the alien's corpse on the ground.

The five of them stepped over the body and sat down at a large table in the corner of the shop.

A minute passed.

Then two.

Then five.

"I wonder where Thor is?" Said Bruce after a while.

"Probably killing more aliens without telling us." Tony sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "Spoilsport." He added, "Always making us miss out on all the fun."

"Nearly closing the portal on you _wasn't_ fun." Said Natasha.

"Having the _other guy_ take over my body _wasn't_ fun." Said Bruce.

"Falling out of a window and getting winded by a parked car, getting hit in the stomach by an alien's weapon thing and nearly getting blown up _wasn't_ fun." Said Steve.

"Nearly falling to my death _wasn't_ fun." Said Clint, "And that happened to you too."

Tony shrugged, "But I was unconscious when it happened." He pointed out, "Thus, I don't remember it happening and I also don't remember that it wasn't fun. Therefore, it was fun."

Everyone but Bruce stared at him blankly.

"Hello everyone." Said Thor, entering the shawarma shop, "Sorry we are late. It was avoidable, though." He was dragging his brother, Loki behind him.

"Get him out." Said Tony, Steve, Natasha and Clint.

"Can you chain him outside?" Asked Bruce, "Because he might get the _other guy_ to come."

"Calm down." Said Thor as he chained Loki to the table, "He's wearing a muzzle, so he won't be able to annoy any of you with his voice."

Loki scowled at his brother behind his muzzle and he was clearly thinking up insults to say to Thor as soon as the muzzle would be removed.

A waitress slowly walked up to the table, "Um, Avengers?" She asked timidly.

"I _told_ you we should of changed out of our suits." Steve hissed to Tony.

"But you could of." Tony whispered back "We need shawarma." He said more loudly to the waitress, "Lots of it. About ten meal deals... Is that what their called?"

The waitress ignored him. She quickly scribbled something down on her notepad and scampered away into the safety of the kitchen (that somehow protected her against the dreaded Aliens on Flying Jetskis).

"Must you of ordered so much shawarma, Man of Iron?" Thor asked Tony, "What if it is that we don't like it?"

"Easy." Said Tony, "We feed it to the people who like it."

"Or we could throw it in the trash." Said Natasha.

"Or we could feed it to Loki." Said Clint.

Loki made a face at Clint who made a face back.

"By the way, why _did_ you bring Loki?" Bruce asked Thor, "Couldn't you have just left him on Stark Tower under your hammer? He can't pick it up, right?"

"That is right." Thor confirmed, "But I decided that since we are not going back to Asgard yet, I decided that I might as well drag him along to this 'shawarma'." He looked over at Clint who was sitting near him, "If he annoys you, feel free to threaten him with your arrows, Eye of Hawk."

"You know you don't have to call us that in the middle of public?" Asked Clint, "But thanks for giving me permission to get back at Loki for taking over my mind."

Loki eyed Clint's bow that was leaning against the Avenger's chair.

The waitress and a waiter hurried up to the table, delivering the shawarma and dashing off.

"Finally!" Said Tony happily, "At last, we can taste the mysterious shawarma!" He picked up some and studied it (no one had any idea why). "Don't you just love it how all sorts of things pop up in this country? I really like to be in America-"

Loki whacked his head against the table. Everyone stared at him, but not for long. Half a second later, they were all eating the shawarma placed in front of them.

"I agree." Thor said after a while, "America is good... Where is it?"

No one bothered to answer that question, they were all pretty sure Thor _knew_ where he was, but they all decided that the long battle and lack of food might have made him delirious and forgetful.

"Do you want shawarma, Loki?" Thor asked his brother. Loki recoiled as if the shawarma had a razor blade hidden inside it and Thor was trying to force-feed him it. "Sorry."

The lack of food must of gotten to Tony's head, because as he was eating his shawarma, he started singing a song with an extremely annoying tune.

"_I like to be in A-mer-i-ca!_

_Ok by me in A-mer-i-ca!_

_Everything free in A-mer-i-ca!_

_For a small fee in A-mer-i-ca!"_

"Shut up before you unleash the Hulk." Said Steve. "And before Loki suffers concussion." The Avengers all looked at Loki, who was repetitively smashing his head against the table, causing the whole thing to shake.

"I don't think he likes to be in America." Said Clint.

"Or maybe he just doesn't like the song." Said Bruce.

"Or maybe he can't stand Stark's voice." Said Natasha, "I can't."

"One second, let us find out." Said Thor, removing Loki's muzzle.

Almost at once, Loki started shouting at the top of his voice, "IF YOU CONTINUE SINGING THAT, I'LL SMASH YOUR FACE IN AND THEN FEED YOU TO THE BLOOD-SUCKERS IN ASGARD! AND THEN I'LL FORCE YOUR LOVED ONES TO KILL YOU AND THEN KILL THEM AND THEN-"

"I've heard all that before." Natasha sighed, "And I don't think anyone would allow you to feed us to anything in Asgard. I won't be surprised if everyone up there hates you now."

Loki made a face, "You don't know anything, foolish mortal."

"Puny god." Said Bruce, tearing some shawarma in half and eating it.

"I'd like to see you fight without the protection of the Hulk." Loki spat, "You're useless without your ability to lose control and turn into that ridiculous-"

At once, half the table burst into song:

"_Automobile in A-mer-i-ca!_

_Chromium steel in A-mer-i-ca!_

_Wire-spoke wheel in A-mer-i-ca!_

_Very big deal in A-mer-i-ca!"_

Loki tried to lunge across the table and throttle Tony, but since his hands were chained to the table, he fell off his chair. "Crap." He muttered.

"What do you have against West Side Story?" Asked Natasha as Loki pulled himself back up onto his chair, "It was a perfectly alright movie. Sure, some of the music was a little bit annoying, but apart from that, I'd say it was rather well-directed."

"I watched it during my exile." Loki explained, "I'm not sure how many times, but a lot. And by the time I had the sense to smash the stupid mortal DVD, I was ready to kill myself."

"I thought you were immortal?" Asked Bruce.

"Apparently, if I was to be dropped prom a plane in a glass cage, I would probably die." Loki said, his eyes suddenly widened, "Forget I said that!" He said quickly, "No wait, I was just joking!"

"So let me get this straight..." Said Steve slowly, "Your weakness is West Side Story?"

Loki scowled, "I won't call it a _weakness_, merely a dislike. I kept on wishing Anita would accidently kick someone in the face. It amazed me how she kept on kicking the air, but never a human being. And that stupid song about hands and hearts made me want to lose the ability to hear. There wasn't enough good bits! There was too much singing and romance! No one even put a goldfish in their mouth before kissing anyone!"

"_Tonight, tonight..._

_Won't be just any night._

_Tonight there will be no morning staaaaar."_

Sang Clint, ignoring Loki who resumed bashing his head on the table.

"You do know that part's sung by a woman?" Natasha asked him.

Clint shrugged, "Yeah, but I can't imagine _you_ singing it." He said before continuing.

"_Tonight, tonight..._

_I'll see my love to night._

_And for us, stars will stop where they arrrrrre."_

"That part's sung by a woman, too." Said Natasha.

Clint sighed, "I was hoping you'd get my message."

"What, that you want to sing like a woman?"

"No!"

"Stop singing!" Loki begged, "Please don't torture me!"

"_The Jets are gonna have their day... Tonight!"_ Sang Tony.

"_The Sharks are gonna have their way... Tonight!"_ Clint joined in.

"Seriously guys, that's enough." Said Steve, "I don't like Loki, but he's been smashed up by Hulk, threatened at bowpoint, lost a war, stabbed his brother and now is being tortured with songs from West Side Story. I don't think he's going to live long enough to make it back to Asgard."

Tony ignored him,

"_The Puerto Ricans grumble 'Fair fight!'_

_But if they start a rumble, we'll rumble 'em right!"_

"Please shut up." Said Thor.

Clint kept on singing,

"_We're gonna hand 'em by surprise._

_Tonight-"_

Natasha yanked his chair out from underneath him, knocking him to the floor and shutting him up.

"Thanks." Said Steve.

"No problem." Said Natasha.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Asked Clint, re-emerging from under the table.

"Keep singing and I will." Said Natasha. Clint sighed and continued to eat his shawarma.

There was awkward silence in the Shawarma Shop again. Thor tried (and failed) to strike up a conversation.

"This shawarma, I like it!" Said Thor.

"Yeah, I know." Tony agreed, "It's great-"

"ANOTHER!" Thor shouted, smashing his plate on the floor. The Avengers and his brother stared at him with weirded out expressions.

"Thor, there's more right in front of you." Said Bruce helpfully (even though he was giving Thor the same look one might give to someone so stupid, they're pitied).

"Oh." Said Thor, looking slightly embarrassed, "Actually, Loki and I should be getting back to Asgard soon." He put Loki's muzzle back on and got up, "Do you want to come?"

"Yeah, sure." Said Steve, "Let's just pay first..." He got up and walked into the kitchen. A minute later, he returned, "They say they don't want to be paid." He reported.

"Then don't pay them." Said Tony, getting up, "Or at least leave some money where they'll find it."

"They'll give it back once we've left." Said Steve, "They really don't want to take any money from us. I think they're scared of us."

Tony sighed and shoved a few notes into the potted plant near their table, "There, now we've paid." He said, "Let's go."

"What if someone waters the plant?" Asked Steve, "Why not put it on the counter?"

"Tony's mind works in weird ways." Bruce told his friend, "A lot of intelligent people's minds are like that."

"A lot of insane people's minds are like that, too." Clint muttered. Steve laughed.

"I'm sorry, what did you say about me?" Asked Tony as they left the shop.

"Nothing, nothing." Said Clint.

[New Paragraph Thingy]

So yeah, yeah. Thor and Loki went back to Asgard, Tony went back to Stark Tower like at the beginning of the movie, Bruce went back to India where he was doing the doctor stuff he was doing at the beginning of the movie, Steve went back to wherever he was at the beginning of the movie to hit a punching bag like in the beginning of the movie and Clint and Natasha went on a date _unlike_ what they were doing at the beginning of the movie.

All West Side Story songs are now firmly out of my head thanks to this fanfic. The End.


End file.
